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Crazy Laws
In Temperance, MS, you can't walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.
In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park your car
without turning off the engine. This was to avoid scaring horses.
In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington" without adding
the phrase "blessed be his name," can land you with a fine of up to
fifty cents.
In California, selling a gold piece without tooth marks in it is
considered forgery.
An old statute in Flint, MI, compels dentists to offer a slug of
whiskey
with no additional charge to said patient.
In Manchester, England, an ancient law declares that if a
young man develops a lisp, he must be inspected by a bishop to ensure that he
isn't developing homosexual tendencies.
The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name San Francisco.
It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the
copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every
year.
In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman's hand in
marriage, he must be inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young
woman's family's property, to ensure a harmonious farm life.
Slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama.
In Salzburg, Germany, any child born on August 18th must be tested for
possible witchcraft. This is due to a local legend that an evil warlock was born on that day in 1638.
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I had always been brought up to respect lawyers. My first experience in
which I found lawyers to be less than loved, was one night hearing a man at
a party who was less than sober, stand up and shout
"All Lawyers are ASSHOLES!"
Immediately, another man stood up and said
"Hey! I resent that!"
So, the first man asks, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
"NO! I'm an asshole!"
You may ask yourself why we need lawyers. Well, everywhere you turn, there
are laws, and when there are laws, there are lawbreakers.
1. The Law of Common Sense
Never accept a drink from a urologist, nor a friendly handshake from a proctologist.
.
2. The Law of Reality
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
3. The Law of Avoiding Oversell
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
4. Law of Physical Displacement
Sometimes you are the dog. Sometimes you are the hydrant
5. Legal Rights
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
6. Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
7. Law Pertaining to Divorce
Be a good housekeeper. When you leave him...get a good lawyer...keep his house
An old friend of mine is getting married this weekend. This will be her her
11th marriage in a very short time. We are kind of close, so I know a lot
about her other husbands and had asked her if she thought she would finally
lose her virginity, and she told me that she has it in the bag. OK, I know what
you are thinking...she has been married ten times...how can she still be a
virgin?
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative and all he did was tell her
was how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was
supposed to function, but he kept saying that he'd look into it and get back to her.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order,
he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but
wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new
state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew
how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never
sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... Well, is the only
one that she truly misses.
But now, she is finally marrying the right guy and knows for sure that she will
not be a virgin for very long. She is finally marrying a Lawyer, and she just
knows she will get get screwed.
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Thank God that I don't listen to all that crap about Lawyers being good for
nothing. If it were not for a good friend of mine being a lawyer when I was
younger...much younger, I never would have gotten my hands on this
crucial contract when I was late teens, early twenties.
SEXCONTRACT
I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities
of friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and
near-pregnancies in exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved
fondling and fornication. I will not return to the scene of said
activities, nor call, write or otherwise contact/harass or vex
said co-signer of contract for a time of no less than thirty
(30) days and nights after said activities have been fulfilled.
I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors, misnomers and
dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends, and will
treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger. I will
say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not
neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of heretofore listed
activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant
yet oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere
in the co-signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to
said abode and breaking the no-contact agreement of this document.
I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body,
and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his
or her own, nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover
who wore the same cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will
also pay one-half of all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.
Signed,
____________________________________
Fornicator At Large
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Why are the courtrooms filled with degenerates and sex fiends?
Oh, sorry, I am not talking about the criminals, but the people defending and prosecuting
them. Yes, we are referring to lawyers. Never has a profession had as many
sexual innuendoes. Just check out the nasty things that are said in a
courtroom... What say you?
12. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
11. Wow, that judge really came down on her hard.
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. Can you get him to drop his suit?
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Your honor, this is no time to be going soft.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. He is one hard judge!
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1. Think you can get me off?
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Wisk me away to:
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Spin Doctors. That's what they are. The big problem,
is that with every fact that they spin, somebody gets hurt.
Take a look at today's download. Tell me that those two girls
would not be great lawyers. Damned the truth!
To get our "Massive Misunderstanding Muff Munching Video File of Fun" in
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Note that this should not be confused with today's Flash file of fun at the end of the issue.
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Happy October. Pretty scary isn't it? We are going to be spending the whole month
devoting out flash file of fun, and out download emporium to Halloween. So, check out the emporium, check out the Flash File of fun, and if you want to have loads of fun, right on your
computer, just head over to http://www.oska.com/tahni.pht?id=773323
where you will find everything you need to have the hottest interactive model, right on your PC
Continuing our month of Halloween Flash File of Fun Animations, today,
we give you a comparison. Blood sucking night dweller who can only be
taken out with a steak in the heart, in the flash file vs. A Blood sucking
day dweller in the issue who eats steak...raw. To Get Today's Heartless
gotta get me a buffy for myself Flash File of Fun of Fun,
Click on:
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